In the Gottman research it's shown that in order for couples to have healthy conflict, there needs to be 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction. Now that's a tall order! When I tell a couple that they look at me like I have 3 heads. That's really key. A lot of this is very conscious work. When a couple comes into therapy to repair is they have to be all in. They're going to have to do a lot of thinking about their thinking and thinking about their talking.