What does it take to really be able to go inside and see, what that little boy or little girl is experiencing, or that they have experienced? Then kind of relate it to their behavior in the present?
Safety, is primary. Safety and trust. As a therapist, I have to be able to gain the trust of my clients. That usually happens relatively quickly. I mean, two or three sessions, through the assessment phase. Really trusting that their partner is going to listen. As a therapist, it’s really important for me to be able to manage that. If one person is talking about what they really need, and the partner comes in to defend or criticize, you know, two of those four horsemen that I’ve talked about. It’s really my role to be able to kind of stop them very gently, and allow that person to continue to talk. I also link a lot of what I already know from them, from their past from the assessment, to their present. A lot of times, they can’t see it right away. I think that’s part of the therapeutic process, where I’m able to show them. I’m able to show them how some of their past behaviors are showing up in the present, or some of the needs that they didn’t get in the past are showing up in the present.