Infidelity and Boundaries

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Most Common Questions - Answered

Is Relationship Counseling Right For You? How To Know If You Need Couples Therapy

Oftentimes problems in a relationship are difficult to resolve due to a breakdown or block in communication.  Feelings of mistrust, lack of credibility, not having a voice or being listened to, of being dominated in conversation or gaslighted can stagnate any relationship from moving forward in a healthy manner.  Having an additional independent, nonjudgmental, neutral perspective participating in a conversation can open doors of transparency and clarity to what was once clouded in confusion.  Relationship therapy can be helpful in creating a more open dialogue about current problems or past trauma, teaching new communication skills, reviving intimacy, or even help with separations and developing co-parenting agreements.  No matter what the issues, relationship counselors will guide a couple towards a healthy consensus. 


It is natural for a couple to come across problems in their relationship after periods of what may seem like effortless romance.  Both people are constantly growing independent of the other and oftentimes the boundaries and expectations of a couple may need to be updated.  Personal issues that might have been buried or compromised before may rise to the surface in a relationship and create unexpected problems.  Sometimes past trauma can be causing stress in a relationship without having been recognized as an issue.  Relationship and marriage counseling can create a safe space for a couple to open up and share their personal concerns and ideas of intimacy, working towards an ideal understanding.  Our professional counselors listen to both sides of the story without judgment and approach an issue or conflict from a neutral outside perspective in order to ensure confidence and a respectful dialogue

A professional counselor can help a couple with common relationship issues such as:

→Emotional, physical and sexual intimacy
→Differences in libido
→Evolving life goals, needs vs. wants
→Balancing different lifestyles 
→Improving communication
→Taking the relationship to the next level
→Major life changes/pending decisions
→Marriage planning
→Parenting or Co-parenting styles
→Continual bickering/fighting
→Financial/spending problems
→Healing from betrayal or infidelity


Everyone learns to communicate with loved ones from their parents and/or caregivers in childhood.  Each person’s early formative environment is unique which inevitably leads to different perspectives about intimacy, resolving conflicts, personal boundaries, parenting techniques, and many more emotional issues in any relationship.  In order to have a successful and lasting relationship a couple must address these issues and often unpredictable differences with an honest and productive form of communication.  In couples therapy, a counselor can help a couple to recognize and articulate the differences of communication within the relationship.  This is the key to mutual understanding.  Then a couple must learn how to respect and coordinate those varied styles or develop a new healthier form of communication. 


The chain of emotional reactions that result from a betrayal or infidelity can be terribly painful and confusing, undermining the foundation of trust between partners. Feelings can range from anger to rage, doubt to paranoia, loneliness to hopelessness in no specific order, directed at your partner or to yourself, on both sides of the relationship.  It is very common for couples to seek counseling in order to save the relationship and to understand and validate such a confusion of thoughts, clinically recognized as Betrayal Trauma.  Betrayal can occur on many levels, physical, sexual, emotional or financial, whenever trust, attachments, dependency or other expectations have been broken.  A professional counselor trained in betrayal trauma treatment can help a couple or partner deal with their pain. 


An unbalanced relationship with unhealthy boundaries and a lack of mutual accountability can be a common and toxic phenomenon called codependency.  It can be seen in relationships when one partner is enabling another’s addiction, making excuses for the other’s abusive behavior, ignoring their own personal needs and life goals in order to accomodate the other’s weaknesses, or not holding their partner accountable for negative or damaging behavior.  Avoiding confrontation at all costs may seem like the solution in a codependent relationship, but really it only masks the symptoms.  Through professional psychotherapy and/or couples counseling, a codependent partner may discover the source of this cyclical behavior, oftentimes originating in a similarly toxic or abusive childhood.  



In romantic relationships both partners are offering their most personal and vulnerable selves to the other, which can be scary enough as is.  But without communicating about consensual boundaries each partner is faced with constant indecision or conflicting priorities regarding their own self esteem, confidence and ideals of life and love.  In order for a couple to really thrive their boundaries must be well defined and understood.  

Boundaries can play a part in all types of psychological and cultural situations a couple might share.  They can be physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, familial, temporal or financial.  They enable you to understand your own limits in the compromise that makes up all relationships, allowing you to live your best life while recognizing your partner’s vision and best life as integral to your own.  With well communicated boundaries a couple can treat each other with respect in areas that previously might not have been understood or even perceived as important or existent.  

Maintaining healthy boundaries can be especially challenging with partners suffering from past trauma, codependency, and addiction.  Where do we set boundaries? What if our boundaries change? How do we create new ones?  A Clinical Psychologist, Social worker or Licensed Couples Therapist can help a couple begin a healthy and productive dialogue about their boundaries in order to create a respectful and enduring connection of mutual understanding that each partner can be confident and happy with. 


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