In Column A, record sexual behavior that hurt others. Include these behaviors that appear "victimless" in which you reutilized your behavior. An example might be prostitutions, where you told yourself "they were paid". The reality, however, was that you was exploring someone who knew was vulnerable.
In column B, list words and phrases that would characterize your sexual behavior. Example might include "dishonest, seductive, exploitive, opportunistic, willful or rule-breaking".
In Column C, review the description in Column B, and determine if any of these work describe non-sexual behavior of ours. So if "deceptive" fits for sexual behavior, have there been occasions when you have been deceptive in non-sexual situations, such as finances, work, school, friends, or family.
In Column A, list specific people your sexual behavior has harmed. These people would include people you were sexual with. An example might be, "Jermaine, who I was sexual with before I told her I was married". Include also those who were harmed by your acting out. Example might include your partner, when you were sexual with his best friends, or a business partner who lost money because of your behavior. Finally, include those who were hurt by unmanageability. An example would be the child who had to endure knowing about infidelity and experiences of divorce.
In Column B, imagine what they would say now about your behavior. This might reflect things they usually might have said or reflect how your would have thought about the behavior had you been in their position.
In Column C, review the comments in Column B. Record that part of what they would say is true. Some of it will not be. So you will have to honestly appraise the comments. Facing the truth about your behavior is always difficult. What patterns do you see? Share those with your key recovery people and therapist team.
Complete the following list of people harmed by sexual behavior. Divide by whether the behavior is known or unknown, and whether they were people you had a relationship with or not.
People I Know Well Who Were Harmed By My Sexual Behavior
People I Did Not Know Or Acquaintances Harmed By My Sexual Behavior
Complete the following list of people harmed by non-sexual behavior. Divide by whether the behavior is known or unknown, and whether they were people you had a relationship with or not.
People I Know Well Who Were Harmed By My Behavior
People I Did Not Know Or Acquaintances Harmed By My Behavior
Review Parts One through Four: Note the various patterns which emerged in your sexual and non-sexual behavior. List those in the first column labelled "patterns". In the columns labeled "problems", state the challenge you have to confront now that you see the problem. Three examples are provided to illustrate how you clarify the problem.