Sex is extremely important inside a relationship. In fact, it is difficult to understate how much a happy and fulfilling sex life begets and reflects a healthy relationship. The fact is just this: we are sexual beings! Having fulfilling sex it is one of the most basic needs and desires in life, which is in fact hard coded into our DNA. We believe that everyone should be having it while enjoying it! Even older people still need to have sex!
So in sex therapy this is our goal: to get couples or individuals back in bed having the type of sex and the frequency of sex that benefits and enriches their lives to the maximum extent.
Sex is a form of sharing and connectedness, it’s a form of being vulnerable with your partner. It is also an expression of who we are as human beings who yearn to physically connect and procreate. Very often when we first meet someone who could conceivably be a perspective partner the first thing that might come to mind isn’t “I bet this person is really good with kids.” No, what you are thinking is “how is this person in bed, you feel the necessity to sleep with that person and be intimate.
In couples therapy, the couple is the one who makes all the decisions; how often, what kind, when, etc. There are so many roads that a couple can go down to decide what kind of sex they would like to have and the avenues taken to getting there. The therapist is a very well trained guide, that comes up with ways to think about and achieve better sex.
In the end, it is up to you to decide what you expect from sex, how you want it to enliven your relationship, and to create more intimacy with your partner. And all this occurs with a conversation inside the bedroom and/or the therapist’s office. Developing a voice to be able to comfortably speak when you are intimate with your partner is so very important!
Because, guess what?
You are allowed to talk while having sex!
To be able to say:
“I want more of X, I don’t like Y, I am interested and willing to try Z, but hmmmm, what do you think about XXX?”
while feeling safe and secure in the bedroom….this is the communication that leads to new heightened levels of bonding, sexual fulfillment and the neurochemical oxytocin which solidifies a strong bond.
Remember that there are many reasons why a couple is not getting the sex they want, and many of those reasons can be addressed in therapy, with a skilled sex therapist.